No more apologies
We do it regularly. We apologise for not hearing someone, for needing a drink, for being the last to arrive (even when you’re not late), for putting our foot down when we lose balance, for getting a flat tyre or having a mechanical issue, for being slow….
As women, we do it in life, but I’ve never heard it more concentrated than when I ride with groups of beginner-intermediate women mountain bikers.
I rarely hear it when I ride with fellas.
When we apologise for all of these things, it not only makes us feel like we are a burden, or inadequate, but it shifts the power to someone else. Don’t get me wrong- I’m all for an apology when it’s called for, but in mountain biking with others, it’s usually unnecessary. Most of the time (and I say this because there are people out there who think that everyone owes them and should get out of their way), no one is actually bothered if you’re putting a foot down, or going slower, or having a rest. I’d even go as far as to say that people appreciate when you ride within your limits, because it’s much slower overall if you ride fast and then crash! And they appreciate that you’re not perfect, because it gives them permission to also not be perfect.
People in our community, and most women’s mtb groups I’ve ever ridden with, are just so glad you’re out there giving it a red hot go.
Reframing this ‘sorry' culture to a ‘thanks for waiting’ or ‘thanks for giving me space’ culture, allows us to shift our mindset into one of gratitude, rather than one of inadequacy. We don’t need to shrink ourselves or apologise in order for us to be part of a group.
In sports performance psychology, reframing is often used when athletes have a ‘block’ or an area of weakness. Changing the story we tell ourselves can literally change our riding. Instead of reinforcing a belief about how bad you are at a certain skill, your story can become one of ‘I’m working on improving XYZ and I’m grateful for this opportunity to practice’. When you mess it up again, reframing it to focus on how you can improve allows your mind to progress, rather than getting ‘stuck’ on something that is challenging.
We are all learning. One persons’ strength in riding rocky sections will be another person’s weakness. That person however may have strength in climbing, or riding corners. Appreciating diversity is key to feeling at home within your riding groups. Understanding that most women’s riding groups have diversity and inclusion at their core can help you to start shifting your mindset and allowing yourself to start, and to be imperfect.
Because the truth is that no-one is perfect (except for maybe Caroline Buchanen-she’s incredible). Everyone puts their foot down, most of us will still strike our pedal from time to time, and we don’t need to apologise when we are having a little struggle, taking a break, or taking a little longer than expected.
When I coach, one of the greatest gifts for me is watching what people struggle with, and thinking about how I can help riders in this situation to struggle less. It allows me to assess ‘in real time’ what is happening and find adjustments that I can suggest that may make things a little easier. When I’m riding at the back it also hones my own skills - I have the opportunity to practice slow speed riding, track stands, technique, and find new lines.
At the end of the day, someone has to be at the back, and the rider/s at the front will have to wait a bit for everyone to re-group. So next time you feel like apologising, try to reframe it. Practice it in the mirror, practice it in your head on the way to your meetup. Let’s shift the ‘sorry’ culture into gratitude. Because how bloody great is it that we have so many awesome people to ride with, and to see more women on bikes!
